Human Connections

So, I won’t get into the gory details, but lets suffice it to say that I’ve moved around A LOT, but not as much as some military brats, and I have trust issues when it comes to relationships.  That being said-

I’ve found myself trying to walk down memory lane and reliving those moments that are probably best ignored outside of a therapeutic session.  When looking at each situation, my pushing people away is very evident, as are the pretty good reasons why I did it.  There are only really a couple of moments I can remember that I will eventually track the poor boy down for and apologize (I’m usually pretty passive agressive in these cases).  The funny part is that none of these were “moments” when I could have been in love, I don’t think.  There were only 2 that come to mind before college and I was too young to be thinking in that way for them.

I now find myself living alone in DC (happily) with my 2 cats Piper and Leo and wondering, what now.  I’ve got the Big Girl job and my mother even admitted to me that I’m better off than she was at my age, though I think that might have been more about her having been a newly single mom with 2 kids at my age.  I should feel successful, but I still feel like I’m waiting for adulthood to begin.  My career is there if I want it and that will probably happen because I do work for a good company- Hell, it’s paid for my life up to this point (Mommy works for them as well).

So, I’m not searching for a man, my cats like to cuddle and don’t talk back.  Does that make me lonely?  I do wish that my friends from Ft. Lauderdale would hurry up and move up here because (don’t get me wrong) I need someone other than co-workers to hang out with and DC is not exactly ground zero for available people.  Have you ever noticed how few of them even look up from the sidewalk while going to and from anywhere in the city!  One of the J1’s at my hotel explained it the best- In DC we live to work, not work to live.

Now, based upon the premis that there is a career in front of you and you have not lonely, does that mean that you are successful and happy?  What exactly is the criteria for this!  I now have 2 friends having babies (both married) and another is engaged, while others still are arrangin visa’s to go and work in all sorts of random places.  I guess that the question going through my mind is- Did I miss something along the way?  What do you think will make you happy and successful?  I’m not so sure that I’ve got my eyes open anymore.

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One thought on “Human Connections

  1. Sarah says:

    Each individual has their own definition of happiness… what works for me, as we well know, doesn’t necessary work for you.

    Are you fitting your own definition of happy? That’s all that matters.

    Love you.

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