30 Seconds to Mars

I’m not sure why this band has me reminiscing, outside of the fact that the lead singer is Jared Leto and as a young teenager I drooled over him on My So Called Life.  In this context, that is an anecdote.  Here is a man who was pretty successful as an actor.  Hell- I even own Lord of War and honestly enjoyed his performance as the drug addicted kinda-stupid younger brother, but the shear audacity to just say, “I don’t think that I want to do that anymore- I’m going to play music now.”  That is what intrigues me.  That’s pretty ballsy.

And at that point in this train of thought (after the conductor has checked my ticket 😉 ) I begin to wonder about what exactly has happened to my generation.  Now, this all started by listening to their song, Kings and Queens, and the line that sticks in your head because it’s an irritatingly catchy hook is- We were the Kings and Queens of promise, We were the victims of ourselves, Maybe the children of a lesser God, Between Heaven and Hell.

Mr. Leto isn’t actually in the same generation as me (almost exactly 9 years older), though he is also a Sagittarius for all of you screaming little girls with crushes.  So that begs the question, why does this resonate with me?  Well, look at us.  What the hell have we actually done now that we’re the adults?  It all seemed so promising when I was 13.  There was actually an unknown that held hope and promise and now there seems to be so little of that same hope left.  Global warming, wars, poverty, general human cruelty, religious persecution, and economic anemia seem to be all that we have to show for the past decade and it’s as though those of us who thought we’d be doing something much more important with our lives are in this holding pattern, waiting for something- anything to happen.  What are you waiting for?  I haven’t got the faintest idea.

I’m still not going very far in writing my novel, though I am very set upon completing the story.  I’m doing whatever work I can to make sure that the bills get paid and this is only happening because my mother is supporting me.  My relaxation comes from making cakes with a friend of mine and seeing where that will take us.  My cats are some of the best conversationalist that I know and I’m really and truly not interested in seeking out any romantic attachments.  BUT this guy can just put a career on hold and say- I think that I’ll follow my passion now.

Yes, I’m jealous.  I’ve met so many people in my short life who held more promise than I could ever have, but in one way or another their dreams seem to fizzle away or change.  To the ones whose dreams change- I congratulate you.  You are still doing what makes you happy and are probably some of the most fulfilled people I know.  To the ones whose dreams have fizzled, please tell me how to get that fire started again.

When I was younger, I wanted to be Jem from Jem and the Holograms.  When I was a little older, I determined that I was a writer and this is a conviction that has never wavered.  As I’ve grown up, I simply realized that sometimes we are truly just mediocre at what we love to do.  This is another reason why Jared Leto is irritating me right now.  Not only a good actor, but his band is pretty good as well.  Before anyone starts to send me notes about how I need to buckle down and spark my passion and find my voice, blah, blah, blah, please put the pen down and just don’t.  I don’t actually believe that I’m a mediocre writer (I’m also not really interested in receiving notes about how much I suck either).  There is a story trying to get out and I can’t seem to find it.

Inspiration and perspiration, right?  When I read biographies or watch that fantastic invention called the history channel while they profile some of the most incredible people in history it always seems to simple.  Have an idea, make it happen, change the world.  When will they invent to reality channel?  I feel like all of that hope we had as children and all of the teachers who told us that we could change the world didn’t think that encouragement through very well.  It’s like a lie that we are still clinging to instead of trying to find a way of achieving these things without a Disney style story line.

“You must be the change you want to see in the world.”  I truly believe that.  Though the problems seem very immovable I try to think about what I can do to help and keep coming up blank.  I haven’t got money.  I haven’t got a lot of free time (yes there is always time to volunteer).  I try to be a person who looks at things from all angles and they all seem jagged and covered in blood at this point in time.  So I ask you for suggestions.  What, if you could realistically do something tomorrow, what would you do to be that change you would like to see?


One thought on “30 Seconds to Mars

  1. […] a few episodes and can confirm that it is still just as uninteresting to me as I remembered.  My beef- well, maybe not a beef, but total jealousy-  stems from the fact that this guy has been so […]

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