Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

Greetings to all on this hot and sunny Memorial Day and to all of the men and women in the armed forces- thank you for everything that you do and sacrifice for all of us!  I’m not sure if it’s the day or the time of year, but I find myself asking the question- what is a good decision?  Now, I will fully admit that I make bad and good decisions for all of the right reasons.  You see- I am an over-thinker.  As many of my loved ones will attest, I put way too much thought into things that any normal person would take at face value.  Have you ever asked yourself, why did that person just say hi to me (saying in your head- they never say hi to me), what is it that they are trying to do?  Well, I have.  It’s not that I’m paranoid, I’m really not, but I tend to want to know what all of the possible reasons for something could be so that I don’t get caught off guard and feel like a jerk.

My brother, he’s not so much like me.  He’s actually my hero at this point.  He didn’t finish college and when everything started to go pear shaped at home, he decided to move.  When he got tired of that, instead of planning and preparing (as I do), he packed his stuff and moved to San Diego.  Sunny, breezy, beautiful San Diego.  He knew a few people there, so it wasn’t a totally blind move, but really?!  It took him nearly 2 months to land a job, get an apartment and get on his feet, but he did it and has been there ever since and as happy as he’s ever been from what I can tell.  I like to think that he’s found his home and the people that will inform the rest of his life, but I’m just not there enough to say for sure.  So I ask- was his a good decision?

Me, on the other hand, had to have a potential job waiting and a place to live before I moved to DC and it was going fine.  I was in over my head, though I didn’t want to admit it to my family, but I was doing it, until I got laid off.  Then everything went wrong.  For all intents and purposes, I followed the decision making rules and it truly didn’t turn out well.  Was mine a good decision?

What makes a decision good?  The process that you use to get there or the ultimate outcome?  If you look to any place that is giving advice, they always start with a criteria of questions and general ways that you should answer to indicate if you are right or wrong in your assumption, but what do they know?  I’m beginning to think that no decision is good or bad- it simply is.  This does not mean that I will stop over-thinking (I’ve tried, it’s a losing battle), but I wonder if maybe I should let me heart make more decisions than my head does.  My head told me to get a big girl job and be independent.  My head told me not to worry my mother by telling her that I was up to my eyeballs in debt just trying to live in DC.  My head told me- you’re too busy for a relationship, there’s no point in looking for one.  And all that this listening to my head has gotten me is a job that pays less than half of what I had been making, while struggling to pay the rent (thank you mommy), living alone with my two cats and hours and days away from everyone that I love.

Here’s an interesting video from TED that is worth hearing.


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